wat bout me??

most of the students in my batch didn't really have anything to do from week 1 to week 3.. but for me, i have 2 do alooooottt of designs.. but somehow, my designs now are not that good anymore.. i dunno why.. mybe it's coz i ate too much magee wen i stayed up late at nite n it destroys my brains or sumtin.. but what i do know is.. i put my BEST EFFORT to design everything that i need to design.. but, it kills me when anybody said what i do is not that nice.. i know as a designer i need to accept people's opinion about my design either they're good or bad.. actually, i don't mind people criticize my designs.. i like it.. but, i'd really appreciate it if anybody who wants to critic my design would do it nicely and calmly.. i hate to see anybody gets dissapointed by me.. it's as if i didn't try my best fo anything..

i don't think i'm a good designer.. coz i cnt think of the best designs.. n i feel like i'm loosing my passion towards it when i'm forced to design.. nevertheless, i still love designing..

i' think i'm not a good student.. because i do other works and not doing my assignments.. even if it's due tomorrow..

i'm a bad daughter.. coz i feel mad at my mama the other day.. and i feel that fighting with her is a right thing to do.. which is nott..

i feel like i'm not a good gf.. coz i often ignore him.. not totally ignore like i don't care bout him.. i do care bout him.. n coz i care bout him, i scolded him fo d wrong things he did.. i'm sorry fo dat but, i just don't want anybody to treat me like a fool.. i'm tired of it..

i don't think i'm a good friend either.. coz i think i sort of forced them in some way to do sumtin fo me.. i dunno la.. maybe i forced em maybe not.. only they know bout it.. but i didn't mean to force anyone.. i'm just asking fo sum favours.. forgive me if i asked too seriously or damn too freaky... i'm just tired now....

i'm tired!! tired of thinking, scratching my head to think of the best concept.. tired of being friendly but treated differently from othrs.. tired of being a punch bag.. tired of being told of.. tired of beign scolded on.. tired of being shouted at.. tired of crying by by own evry night, thinking what's wrong with me.. tired of being bullied.. tired of not deserving what i deserve like a simple compliment like "you look good today" or "you've tried your best".. tired of 'forcing' anyone to do/say sumtin i like when actually i didn't mean it.. i'm tired of bad things happening to me just when i don't need anymore problems to get in my way!

but, i'm mein.. i'l just have to face it all and never give up.. i'll do what i have o do n i do it coz i like it.. i force myself to like it.. i have to.. coz if i don't like it, i can't do it.. mein do what she likes n mein is stubborn.. mein don't allow anybody to push her down..